Needless to say: MASSIVE SPOILERS.
We are literally minutes away from the finale of Season 2 of The Voice, hands down the best reality show on TV. We find out who wins tonight. Here are the finalists:
- Jermaine Paul (Team Blake)
- Chris Mann (Team Christina)
- Juliet Simms (Team Cee Lo)
- Tony Lucca (Team Adam)
And I’ve got beef with the coaches. Mainly Christina. She loves this show. Especially the fact that she is on it. I honestly don’t watch any television that features a more self-centered celebrity. Sure, she became famous because she’s got some pretty spectacular pipes, but wow is she in love with herself. Any chance she gets, she gets on stage, she starts singing, she is constantly relating contestants’ experiences or performances back to her own experience and talks about herself. It gets redundant so quickly. She also talks longer than any other coach and wastes precious live minutes during the show. It’s pretty awful.
Now to the finalists. I have a clear favorite and a clear worst, but here’s a quick run down on all four.
- This cat can sing. But he can’t win. The dude has got an amazing voice, has powerfully covered some tough songs (and made some awful songs listenable, Exhibit A: “I Believe I Can Fly”), and seems to have a connection with fans enough to carry some voting weight. But definitely not enough. He just doesn’t seem to be that much of a personality. Nobody has lost their minds over any of his performances, they’ve all just been steady and consistent. Which is not the sign of the winner of this show. As much as consistency is a really great characteristic to have, it won’t win you The Voice.
- Maybe the best finalist voice when looked at technically. None of the other three finalists can hit notes or vibrato like he can. Nobody can sound like Josh Groban like he can. But at the end of the day, that’s about it. His covers of non-operatic tunes were pretty lame. I’m thinking specifically of the Coldplay performance. I remember thinking, “I would never choose to listen to this over the actual song.” Not a good sign. So the dude has got chops, but he needs to go flex them on Broadway. Pop music doesn’t need another Josh Groban.
- If Juliet does not win, I will lose what little faith in the Millennial Generation I have left. There is not one finalist who has the voice she’s got. She has it. Her performances have not all been perfect (“Stay With Me,” “Cryin'”), but when she is on, holy crap. She is on. “Roxanne” and “It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World” were absolute show stoppers. I wasn’t totally sold on her until “Roxanne” and it was all over from there. She made me a complete believer. Her James Brown cover just solidified it more. What’s funny is that she would’ve been here regardless of which coach she had chosen. She is just that good. Go Juliet.
- Tony Lucca hit his peak during the battle rounds. Since then, he has consistently stayed forgettable, if not worse. And his cover of Britney was annoying as hell. I hate that that performance kept being referred to as daring and wild and crazy and risky. It was a doucher singing a crappy pop song in an “edgy” way. America ate it up and it’s regrettable. Equally as frustrating was his bluegrass cover of Jay-Z’s “99 Problems.” Tony, stop doing covers in an unconventional way that other artists have done first and coming off like you came up with it. People have been covering the Britney tune for years, and the Jay-Z performance was a cover of a cover. Covers of covers shouldn’t be done. Ultimately, what I dislike about Tony is that even more than Chris, he’s a one-dimensional singer. I hate to agree with Christina, but after the Peter Gabriel cover, her comments were dead on. Forgettable, one-note, not impressive. He has one vocal ad lib that he does in every. single. performance. It’s awful, it’s just him curving his voice up from a lower note to a higher note in a way that America hears and says “Wow look how much power he’s got!” It’s awful. If he was a better voice, I wouldn’t be so adamant against him, but there is no reason he should’ve gotten to the finals over Katrina. It makes me frustrated just thinking about it.
So I want Juliet to win. Duh. Now onto the coaches…
- I like him. Sure, he’s a big time country guy, but he’s pretty funny. He also seems to have the most insightful things to say about the performers. In terms of technique and real advice and criticism, I think he offers the most to his teammates. They seem to benefit greatly from his coaching. Is he the best coach in terms of strategy? No way. He picked RaeLynn during the battle rounds for Pete’s sake. Terrible choice. But I still like him.
- I’ve already expressed my contempt with Christina. She might have some pipes, but she clearly views every episode as an opportunity to talk longer and louder and with more vacuity. Oh, you’re sick tonight Christina? I had no idea, even though this is only the seventh time you’ve mentioned it in this one episode. I completely agree with Karlie Cooper’s assessment of Christina: Miss Piggy. Just unfunny.
- Gooooosh I love Cee Lo. But I think he’s an awful coach. The reason he (fingers crossed) will win this season is not because of his coaching prowess but because his two semi finalists were the best vocalists out of all of them. It didn’t matter if Jamar or Juliet got to the finals, it’s a Season 2 win for Team Cee Lo. That being said, I almost always enjoy what Cee Lo says, and more specifically, wears. And his white cat…just so great. Hilarious to see him stroking that cat like a black Ernst Blofeld. And his performance of “Dancing in the Street” was hands down the best performance by a coach in this entire season. Nobody tops Cee Lo.
- I’m torn on this one. Adam is definitely the most strategic coach. He took a team that had no real stars and produced Katrina (she wins the Most Improved award for the entire season and absolutely should’ve been Adam’s finalist) and Tony Lucca. Tony’s persona was created strictly by song choice alone, and that is evidence of a damn strategic coach. Adam’s got that in the bag. But if Tony wins, I’ll be sad about the integrity of a show that allows a performer to win based solely on doing covers of covers. Tony does not deserve to win The Voice. He has most likely spent his career playing covers of covers in small bars with no fans. That’s where he belongs.
So who wins? I would be stunned if Jermaine or Chris won, even though they both have excellent voices. It will be a real shame if Tony wins, because he is absolutely least deserving of the award. All of my hopes and dreams are pinned on Juliet, and this finale is a lot more nerve-wracking than last year, considering that I want someone specific to win, whereas last year I just wanted Dia Frampton to lose. So three cheers for Juliet. Go Team Cee Lo.
Carson said “tharts.”